Breed 77- Insects

breed_77__insects_2009

(Phantom Sound & Vision, 2009)

by Dan Cairns

I remember this band from yeeeeears ago. They had a video that got quite heavy rotation on Kerrang TV, which is the equivalent of Hitler giving you props for your beatboxing skills. I can’t remember what it was, and I can’t be bothered looking for it (fuck, you think I’ve got time to look up shitty bands on the internet? Those starving French girls getting gangbanged aren’t going to watch themselves) but the one thing I remember was a man with nipple rings dancing. And singing along to a song that sounded like System of a Down. Soon after System of a Down ‘broke.’ Funny that, innit?

Anyway, Insects is their new one. And it again sounds like System of a Down, without any of the fun. Although there’s one funny bit where the singer guy screams ‘Noooooo! Get them off me!’ So they get a couple of points for making me do a big snigger. Apart from that though it’s shit business as usual. Every song has an annoying widdly Spanish bit to make it sound ‘eclectic.’ But it’s not eclectic it’s just shit. There’s nothing here. It’s the musical equivalent of a Dan Brown novel. You don’t feel enriched or enlightened after hearing it. It actually made me bored and bad tempered. More than usual.

I’ll be honest. I only listened to half of it before I lost patience, so this review isn’t entirely fair. For all I know it could turn into Cobalt and be fucking amazing. But I’m pretty certain that doesn’t happen. In fact, I’d stake a good deal of cash on the fact that the latter half will be just as rubbish. Fair enough, they live in Gibraltar, which is a dump from what I remember. And their music shops are too expensive, so perhaps it’s cruel to have a go at Breed 77 for being a bit plops when they couldn’t afford to listen to anything good for inspiration. Also there’s nothing to do in Gibraltar, apart from… oh wait forget that, there are an assload of monkeys in Gibraltar, mooching about on the rock. If I was Breed 77 I’d quit making music and then climb up the rock and play with the monkeys all day. Imagine the fun you could have! You could teach them cricket and get them to play with your nipple rings and that. Also I don’t understand nipple rings on men, they just look retarded. Especially when you’re dancing around trying to look hard and arty, but you look like neither because your band is a little bit pump. Oh, they cover a Cranberries song at the end. Only lesbians and dads like the Cranberries.

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