Hahahahaha!: Part 1

By Daniel Cairns

Hello my loves. If you’ve been following us regularly (all 7 of you), you’ll realise that we’re not quite as pleasant and friendly as those other sites you like. We don’t present you news in an unbiased form.  We’re not particularly looking for free merch for being nice and we certainly won’t coddle up and follow the opinions of other dunderheaded journos just to get our foot in. We’d like to think it’s because we’re all roguish iconoclasts, but it’s actually because we’re all completely neurotic and self hating and we have to take out our stultifying inadequacies on other peeps.

So without further ado, lets say hello to Sleeper Cell!

Oh lordy. Where to start. Normally, I’d just post a link to the video and let you all draw your own conclusions, but there is so much delight contained within, I simply must comment! The song itself is a work of demented anti-genius. It’s the sort of thing you make up when you’re 14 and you’ve just started learning guitar, and you’re trying to write songs like your hero Wes Borland. In conjunction with the video though, it transcends.

First things first, let’s join our hero, the singer, as he wanders along looking troubled and intense.

Look after your hair kids.

Look. He is wearing an Affliction t shirt. He’s so coooooool. Because of this I’m waaaay too depressed to look up his name. It’ll be something like Brett or Scott. Also, look at his hair. Either sonnyboy has a forehead of Nergal proportions or the years are catching up. I don’t know what it is but either option’s equally amusing, so draw your own conclusions. He kind of looks like Robert De Niro, if Robert De Niro had a spectacularly amazing breakdown or something.

Then we have a synchronised jump just as the song kicks in. I’ve painstakingly caught the exact moment for you, so you can treasure it forever.


Watch in awe as they fly! It’s like seeing Tron for the first time or something. This really needs to be seen in motion to be believed. It makes Attack Attack! look dignified.

Insert poop joke here.

Our beautiful singer/rapper/visionary spends a lot of time squatting like this in the video. He should have that looked that.

Lazy bugger.

Occasionally, little montages like this pop up, where things blow up and people are in a bad way. I’ve no idea why. Maybe it shows how in touch with human suffering they all are or some shit. If the lyrics were political or something it’d make sense, but it’s all ‘waaaah waaaaah I’m mental and unloved’ nonsense. Still, at least they’re trying. It’s black and white too, so they’re arty!

Master Saruman, they’re taking the hobbits to Mordor! After I wail out a bitching drum solo.

Behold the star of the show. This chap gives a crash course in escaping an embarassing situation with a bit of dignity. Not only does he add more hilarity to an already outrageously funny song with the most gratuitous scratching EVER, he proves immensely watchable. He just sort of widdles away, keeping himself to himself, trying to ignore the rest of his bandmates as they goon around trying to look hard and freaky. I wonder what he’s thinking? ‘Who nicked my flippin’ wheelie bin’ I bet.

And so on and so on. You don’t really need me to comment on the rest of this utter marvel though. All four minutes of it are there for your delectation. If you go on the youtube page itself, you’ll see they’ve had three and a half thousand views. I’m not ashamed to say that three thousand of them were me. I can’t stop watching it. In it’s own way it’s as deep as a Tool video. If I’ve had an awful day, I’ll stick it on and think ‘hey I’m not doing so bad.’

Everyone give Sleeper Cell the support they deserve! They could be the new Shadows Fall!



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