Burzum- Belus

(Byelobog Productions)

Bai Dannul Karnz

(Varg’s a controversial guy, and we’re aware that some people may be a bit unhappy that we’re reviewing a record by a well known, self confessed racist murderer. So to detract from the potential controversy, I put my review through a lolcat translator.)

I COULDNT NOT REVIEW DIS. ALL U METAL PEOPLEZ  HAZ BEEN MAKIN RITE KERFUFFLE, SO I THOT Y NOT. ILL GIV IT LISTEN AN REVIEW IT. I HAD NEVR RLY HERD BURZUM BEFORE, SAVE 4 SUM SHIT I HERD ON TEH GUMMO SOUNDTRACK. BUT I KNOE HOO VARG VIKERNEZ IZ. HE BE FAMOUS! HE STABBD MAN 2 DEATH AN WENT 2 PRISON! ALSO HE RACIST AN BIT HORRIBLE, BUT IF WE WUZ 2 REFUSE 2 REVIEW STUFF CUZ OV TEH ARTISTZ POLITICAL ALLEGIANCEZ, NO WAN WUD EVR REVIEW ANYTHIN FIL ANZELMO EVR DID WUD THEY? IZ ONLY FAIR WE GIV VARGY CHANCE INNIT? SO LETS GIV BELUS TRY.

IT STARTS OFF WIF CLATTERIN AN BANGIN. IZ LIEK HEZ BASHIN SPOON AGAINST HIS PRISON BARS LOLOLOL. AN DEN TEH FURST SONG PROPR COMEZ IN. TEH FURST TING DAT HITS U IZ DAT HOMEBOY HAS BEEN IN PRISON SO LONG, HE MISD TEH INVENSHUN OV PRO-TOOLS AN DIGITAL RECORDIN TECHNOLOGY. IT SOUNDZ LIEK HEZ RECORDD IT ON DICATOFONE. FAIR ENOUGH, HE PROBABLY WANTD 2 KEEP IT RAW, BUT THARS HOOJ DIFFERENCE TWEEN RAW AN SHIT. AN DIS SOUND SHIT.

DEN TEH SECOND SONG COMEZ ON AN IZ BOUT 8 YEERS LONG. AN RLY BORIN. I DID SLEEPS. HE SINGS ON IT THOUGH RATHR THAN GOIN RARGH RARGH RARGH, SO IT BE BIT BETTR. EVEN THOUGH IT NEVR ENDZ.

DEN THAR IZ TEH THIRD SONG AN IT SOUNDZ LIEK TYPICAL BLACK METAL. U CAN IMAGINE HIM IN DA WOODZ DRESD AS WIZARD RUNNIN AROUND IN CAPE. AKSHULLY IZ QUITE GUD WHEN U FINKZ BOUT IT LIEK DAT.

AKSHULLY TEH NEXT COUPLA SONGS SOUND LIEK TAHT 2. SO IT GUD. TEH BEST WAI 2 LISTEN 2 ALBUM IZ WHEN WEARIN CAPE AN HAT, AN READIN FURST HARRY POTTR BOOK IN DA WOODZ. IT WUZ BEST WAN. REST OV THEM GOT 2 CONFUSIN. ALSO I DIDNT LIEK TEH GINGR KID CUZ AN EX GURLFREND SED I LOOKD LIEK HIM SO I HAZ A SAD. 😦

ANYWAYZ, I MANAGD 2 STAY AWAEK LONG ENOUGH 4 DA LAST SONG 2 COME ON AN IT WUZ 10 MINUTEZ AN HAD NO SINGIN. DAT IZ WHEN I FELL ASLEEP. WHEN I WOKE UP. IT WUZ 3 IN DA MORNIN AN MAH FACE WUZ IN MAH KEYBORD AN I HAD GUD HARD LONG LOOK AT MAH LIFE AN BURST INTO TEARS.

IN SUMMARYS, EVEN THOUGH DIS ALBUM SOUNDZ LIEK SHIT AN IZ BIT LONG AN BORIN, IZ KIND OV K. IT NOT AS GUD AS OTHR BLACK METAL STUFFS LIEK DEATHSPELL OMEGA, BUT IT NOT BAD.

IT BIT ANNOYIN THOUGH AS ALL TEH SONGS R SUNG IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE. IT HARDR 2 UNDERSTAND THAN ME LOLOLOL. HE CUD BE SINGIN I IZ GOIN 2 SHOP 2 BUY SUM UNDERPANTS BUT IT IN FUNNY LANGUAGE AN IT SOUND EVIL AN IT MADE ME SKERD! 😦

ALSO DIS AR TEH WUT VARG LOOK LIEK IN SMILEY FORM <:-[

7/10

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17 Comments

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