Expendaballs

By Andi Hamilton

Well, here it is. The trailer to what will be the greatest film of 2010 (unless that Maynard James Keenan wine documentary turns out to be a front for a film where a vinyard is taken over by a bunch of terrorists, and only Tool‘s erstwhile frontman, who evaded capture, can save the day) has arrived.

Basically, it boasts the most ridiculous ensemble cast in recent memory, with action movie heavy hitter Stallone teaming up with Jason Statham, Dolph Lundgren, Jet Li and UFC hall of famer Randy Couture to fight a load of other men, including another legendary MMA face in Antonio Rodrigo Noguiera and none other than “Stone Cold” Steve Austin. It is, potentially, the fight of the century.

I mean, for fucks sake, this film is so utterly macho, so wonderfully over the top, like action movie classics Commando, Die Hard and Police Academy, they even convinced Bruce Willis and Arnold fucking Schwarzenegger to make cameo appearances, just to ensure the 80’s action film credability is top tier.

So, here it is, the trailer. Be warned, it is so loaded with testosterone, that it will make your balls shrink and you’ll grow boobs like a cheating weightlifter, gassed to the gills on anabolic steroids, before having a heart attack around the two minute mark.


In the meantime, I’m going to make some calls regarding that Maynard James Keenan idea. That shit is money.

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