By Daniel Cairns
I would have done reviews of the new Abominable Iron Sloth and Jucifer this week but I’ve spent the last week being ill. I can barlt right at the minuet. So I guess that accounts for the fact I’ve basically done fucking nothing.
Also thanks to the people who have sent me promos and shit. Like, I got a Panic Cell CD, and it’s given me the biggest laughs since that Tom Hanks film. The one where he gets really old after making a wish. You know, Philadelphia.
Also I’m so bored with most new music. I saw Eyehategod on Tuesday and it was great and kind of made me realise how much all the bands you like fucking suck, so you know all the vaguely positive reviews I’ve given recently? Yeah, knock like 4 marks off them.
Oh yeah, and I’ve had some kind of retard manchild breakdown, probably due to this cold killing my brain, and have been playing the fuck out of Banjo Kazooie on xbox, and it has the best music ever and I have the stupid music from Bubblegloop Swamp running through my fucking head all the time like some nightmare fucking fever dream.
Imagine this music playing during the rape scene in Irreversible. THIS SHIT HAS BEEN GOING THROUGH MY HEAD NONSTOP.
And another thing. I realised that if my house was on fire, and I had time to save only one album… I’d dump all my albums and save Resident Evil 4 on the gamecube. It struck me that that fucking game has done more for me than any stupid piece of shit record ever will.
So yeah. Until anyone writes the audio equivalent of a game with batshit Spanish midgets, dudes with chainsaws and mad homoerotic knife fights, all you musicians can get tae fuck.
I’m going to go sleep now and I’ll probably regret this when I’m better. 😦