List, Caution

It is that time of year again, when people in the Western world erect trees, hold vigils and worship Satan, seemingly oblivious to the plight of other less fortunate entities on the planet, like music critics. Yes, we get it bad. We have to compile what we thought was the best stuff in the year and it’s hellish because we can’t even remember how much meth we took yesterday, let alone what shite we were quaffing 12 months ago.

Without further ado… here’s our top 10 things for the year.

TOP 10 ALBUMS WE HEARD THIS YEAR THAT DIDN’T NECESSARILY COME FROM THIS YEAR

1. Chronicles of Riddick Soundtrack- Graham Revell

2. Willenium- Will Smith

3. Christian and the Hedgehog Boys- S/T

4. Chronicles of Riddick Soundtrack- Graham Revell

5. NOW (that’s what I call music) 37

6. Free Live CD that came with the Daily Mail- Simply Red

7. Anything by Von Helton

8. Greatest Hits- Phil Spector

9. The Best of- Kid Creole

10. Fire It Up- Panic C3ll

TOP 10 MOMENTS WE THOUGHT DEMON PIGEON WAS WORTH THE EFFORT

1. Getting mentioned on a much bigger website.

2. Getting Panic C3ll records to review.

3….

10. That’s it.

TOP 10 WRITERS ON DEMON PIGEON

1. Me

2. James Swallow

3. That guy

4. Sadaam Hussein

5. Best friend’s mum

6. Members of Panic C3ll

7. James Swallow

8. Adam Baldwin

9. Drummer from Def Leppard

10. James Swallow

TOP 10 MEMBERS OF PANIC C3LL

1. Luke Bell

2. Drummer

3. Bassist

4. Lead Guitarist

5. Rhythm Guitarist

6. Man who does artwork

7. The people responsible for Black Juice Down Video

8. Man who made Jaeger mic (hereby christened H.R. Jaeger)

9. Man who cuts Luke Bell’s hair

10. They’re all heroes

TOP 10 CCGs (CHILDREN’S COMPUTER GAMES)

1. Mass Effect 2

2. Mass Effect 2 DLC

3. Listening to Fire it Up by Panic C3ll while playing Mass Effect 2

10. Tom Clancy’s Cooking Mama

TOP 10 MOMENTS I WISH I TOLD PAUL DEMON PIGEON WAS A SHITTY NAME EVEN THOUGH I COULDN’T THINK OF ANYTHING BETTER

1. All of them

10. Fire It Up- Panic C3ll

TOP 10 THINGS I WISH I’D CALLED DEMON PIGEON

1. WWW.UKMETALSOUNDSHOCKER.COM

2. WWW.PISSKISS.COM

3. WWW.OHMYGODICAN’TFEELMYFACE.COM

4. WWW.UKHOUNDSHOCK.COM

5. WWW.ISAWMYNEIGHBOUR’SDICK.COM

6. WWW.WORLDOFPANICC3LL.COM

7. WWW.SKVJHB[PIUQGE’OHIV;NKFJBGW;ROIJBV’OSJFBDVHIKBRWI’CBHSWVN;OIEQFNBHAHABONKGODLUIYFDOIY.COM

8. WWW.ANALFURRYFURY.COM

9. WWW.HOCKSHOUND.COM

10. WWW.WIKILEAKS.COM

TOP EMOTIONS I FELT WHEN MY CAT DIED

1. Oh no cat is dead

10. Stupid cat

TOP 10 REASONS YOU SHOULD READ THE FOLLOWING LIST

1. I am an expert.

2. I am an authority.

3. I am a blogger.

4. I’m also a professional wannabe.

5. I learned everything I know about writing from back issues of Kerrang! and Amiga Power c. 1993.

6. I am a fucking nerd with no life away from these speakers.

7. I spent months preparing this list.

8. And do you give a shit?

9. Do you give a shit the way I do?

10. Iron Maiden- The Final Frontier

TOP 10 PLACES TO HAVE A URINARY EMBARRASSMENT 2010

1. On the bus.

2. On the train.

3. On the plane.

4. On the autobahn.

5. On the tube.

6. On a shouting German man’s video camera after a muddled and uncertain contract negotiation conducted via an interpreter.

7. Down your leg.

8. Down my leg.

9. Up a rope.

10. On some soap.

TOP 10 WAYS TO WRITE MUSIC IS DEAD

1. Music is dead.

2. Music is dead.

3. Music is dead.

4. Music is DEAD.

5. Music is dead.

6. .daed si cisuM

7. music is dead

8. /ˈmyuzɪk//ɪz/ /dɛd/

9. pɐəp sı ɔısnɯ

10. And so is music journalism.

TOP 10 SITES WE FOUND MORE INTERESTING THAN ANY GIVEN METAL BLOG 2010

1. Twitter

2. goatse.fr

3. Lambing FAQ

4. Hidden beastiality section on redtube

5. A false computer screen on an attractive Swedish desk at Ikea

6. Updates about my mother’s barn in Farmville

7. tubgirl.ca

8. Archive of the internet I began in 1997 (spanning four 5.25″ floppy disks so far)

9. NHS Intranet

10. Rockshocksoundsonicthunderclap.com

11. A cover CD I got on an Amiga magazine once which boasted ‘The Best of the World Wide Web’, including an absolute truckload of porn.

TOP 10 THINGS THAT MAKE ME FEEL OLD 2010

1. Fucking everything.

10. EVERYTHING.

TOP 10 BANDS WHO ARE SUPERIOR TO PEARL JAM

1. Creed

2. Fuel 238

3. Godsmack

4. Puddle of Mudd

5. Staind

6. Nickelback

7. Hoobastank

8. Stabbing Westward

9. Creed

10. Scott Stapp honking over zydeco.

TOP 10 CONCESSIONS TO ROCK AND ROLL THEATRE MADE BY SCOTT STAPP

1. Brown leather trousers

2. Pulling invisible condom over head in all Creed videos

10. Jesus Christ Pose

TOP 1 LIST I NO LONGER CARE TO ADD TO OR SUBTRACT FROM 2010

1. This one.

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3 Comments

  1. And also that weekend when I fucked my back up due to bus crash and had to lie in bed reading science fiction magazines and dodgem logic for 72 hours and I almost forgot all about the internet and it was beautiful.

    Then my back got better and it all came flooding back and it was horrible

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