Celeste- Morte(s) Nee(s)

Before we all started Demon Pigeon none of us really banked on the main peril of starting a music site. So enthused were we at the prospect of writing about stuff we liked to a potentially massive audience (lol) that we forgot that people would relentlessly hawk their shite at us. Before we knew it, we were tits deep in Panic C3ll and Breed 77 records. Although I’ve come round to the Panic C3ll cause in a way, that doesn’t excuse the bad European metalcore we always seem to get.

It’s utterly self defeating. By swamping lazy bastards like us with tedious shit about Devildriver and Il Nino they’re leaving us so wildly jaded with the whole thing that we can’t be arsed. It causes us to stop updating and often ensures we can never be scuttered to listen to anything. Seriously. There’s a huge pile of unlistened promos sitting in the corner right now. Perhaps one day I will make some modern art out of them, or use them as projectiles like that manny from Hellraiser 3. Anyhoo…

Basically, because we’re often rendered inert by other people, ourselves and our pets, we end up missing out on the stuff that’s actually worthwhile. LIke Morte(s) Nee(s) by Celeste.

Loathe as I am to use such terminology, Morte(s) Nee(s) is a banger. It’s a total don of an album. Off the hook mate.

I’ll stop that.

Basically I wish I heard this last year, so I could have given it due credit at the time. It’s a wildly impressive bit of aggression and proves that listening to heavy music hasn’t been a complete waste of my time after all. All the songs are in French so I can’t be arsed working things out, but I’m glad they sing in French because it sounds so much sexier, and making something as violently sexless as extreme metal a bit sexy is a masterstroke.

I dunno what genre Celeste are. Genres are bullshit though. All I’ll say is that they concoct harrowingly oppressive yet catchy waves of devastating noise that make absolutely all the horseshit bands you’re told to like sound like something Michael Cera strums out on his bass when he’s on down time from making his shitty films about being a sensitive nerd who overcomes the odds and bla bla Scott Pilgrim was a piece of shit.

You’ve no excuse not to hear Celeste, as all their records are legitimately free to download on their website, so not only do they smoke the bones of shittier bands for breakfast, they’re also aware that the music industry is falling flat on it’s backside, and much like wonky eyed dreamboat Thom Yorke and Acamadedemememy Award winner Ternt Reznorte, they’re embracing new ways of distribution that allow the music to do the talking.


If only Daphne would come back…

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