TesseracT- One

(Century Media)

It’s no secret that we’re a bit dismissive of this whole ‘djent’ thing here. To be honest it might be because we’re old. I remember the term being used back when I was a nipper, perusing the Meshuggah forums in between pretending to study for my A-Levels, so I’m about 8 years ahead of the game here. I have no idea why I used to read the Meshuggah forums. It’s full of tech speak and bellends, but it was my first time using the internet properly and I don’t think Encyclopedia Dramatica or imagefap existed at that point, so I had piss all else to look at.

Anyhoo, enough about the past. This techy chugging robotic stuff is hot shit now. You can’t turn a street corner without bumping into some busker hammering out stuttering stacatto riffs along with a drum machine piddling about in 17/3.144 time. Some of it’s pretty good too, like this, but then again most of it’s fucking bollocks, like this.

By the way if the latter band there make it big, I’ll murder each and every last one of you ok?

TesseracT, despite all my pissing and moaning, are ok really, and One’s pretty enjoyable. Once you filter through the dumb hyperbole and bullshit marketing, it’s solid stuff. The heavy guitars could sound a bit beefier and half of these songs were on an EP which is maybe a bit cheeky, but what the hell I got it free because I’m a media wanker.

I quite like One in much the same way I quite liked the Chimp Spanner album. There’s no deep reasoning here, I like it because it sounds a bit sci fi, and I am a fucking nerd and space is cool. It also reminds me of SiKTh a lot, only without the dumb lyrics. Actually I’ve no fucking clue what the lyrics are about, but the man sings them pretty. Too pretty for my taste if I’m honest, but at least they’re better than the vocals on the Periphery album. Goddammit they were unbearable. There’s not a lot of pointless Animals as Leaders style widdling either, which is great, because there’s nothing worse than a guy wanking away on a guitar to the detriment of no one but the wanker himself. Instead the guitarist chappies are quite fond of their atmospheric, reverb drenched clean tones, which are a lot more… tasteful? I like them. In fact these moments are easily my favourites on the album. They’re a little bit Vangelis. Vangelis is brilliant.

Whatever. Despite an initial reticence brought about by some shameful media over-exposure and my disgust for anything technical (seriously, music should be a form of expression, not a bloody maths challenge), TesseracT have just about managed to remove themselves from my ‘GET TAE FUCK’ box. I wasn’t impressed by songs I’d heard before, but in the context of the record they’re perfectly servicable. They all segue together and make up a whole or something, I dunno. It’s maybe a bit too long and by the last song it’s run out of steam, but christ at least it’s not European death thrash, which is all I seem to fucking get sent these days. They’re not going to have me cantering bollock naked down the street roaring ‘YOU MUST HEAR THIS YOU FECKLESS GOONS’ but I wouldn’t be offended if a song came on shuffle either. I’d maybe skip past it but not in an ‘aaaargh nooo’ way.

I’m tits deep in 90s noise like Molly McGuire and Shiner at the minute, and I saw Today is The Day the other, eh, day, so something as clean and clinical sounding as this TesseracT album should be anathema to me, but even a swampy misanthrope can sort of grudgingly appreciate what they’re trying to do. Of course the album will get stupidly overhyped and then there’ll be a huge backlash once Nu Metal reclaims it’s rightful throne, but TesseracT can rest easy in the knowledge that this barely read, rarely updated site won’t rag on them. Not that much anyway.

The Djentanic sailed on without me and didn’t even throw me a djinghy, but TesseracT at least waved goodbye and tried to chuck me some supplies, unlike the other djicks.

Seriously fuck anyone who says djent without wincing even a little bit.


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