WAVE GOODBYE

I’m not one for warm, fuzzy feelings or sentimentality. A veritable lifetime of metal, videogames and deathmatch professional wrestling has left me with all the empathy of an 8 year old child that pours boiling water on ants and then sets them alight.

I will say though, that I got some sad pangs when Noel told me Demon Pigeon was bidding adieu.

Noel and I were festering on some hideous metal blog full of bogans that wanted to do genuine guides to National Socialist Black Metal before Paul came in and saved us, coming up with the idea of doing our own thing. Noel and I were naturally all in. Having our own outlet to piss you people off? Excellent. We wouldn’t have to review a terrible black metal album again! Even though we did. Towers of Flesh or something. Noel gave them 7 and they kicked off about it in the comments section, because obviously it was a masterpiece that we just didn’t get, and they’re named after a penis.

After recruiting other semi-literate troglodytes, a guy to do internet stuff and lovely Dominic Sohor to do us a design (one of the initial concepts was a pigeon vomiting the name of the site, which was brilliant), we were off!

Pretty soon after launch, we found out just how desperately humourless some of you people are, like the aforementioned Tower of Flesh. We were met with a litany of negativity from people that actually took all this shit seriously.

However, we also found out some of you were just like us; you just wanted to laugh at it all too.

Demon Pigeon never had the biggest readership (the one time we got semi famous was with our Burzum lolcat review knocked up in 10 minutes, which just shows what you people are like really) largely because we have the collective work ethic of a dead cat on benefits, but I genuinely think we had the best. We made actual friends and met like-minded pissants; pissants that joined us on Twitter and other places with jokes about Robb Flynn, Varg and Insane Clown Posse. We even like some of you in real life! A bit. Maybe. Probably?

Let’s be frank. 99.9 per cent of metal blogs are appalling. Characterless, press release spewing garbage outlets run by people with a grasp of English that can—at best—be described as “haphazard”. We did some things wrong, and of course we all cringe at the stuff we were writing years ago, but at least we always set out to do things differently from the norm, whether it was taking you on cosmic trips with reviews of Stone Rock albums (delivered by our stone rock and titty expert Noel, who’s long overdue a gig from a proper place that pays money, so suck on that) or filling reviews of terrible death metal with pictures of lovely old Buster Merryfield. We were crass, tasteless and often infuriating, but we did it out of love. When we could be bothered.

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I drifted away from DP a few years ago to write for places for dollah dollah bills, but I always read it, and one day hoped to make a glorious return. Alas, that won’t happen now. It’s being put down; it’s been decided you didn’t really deserve us, so you’re all stuck with cool places that actually do stuff on time and write listicles and do press releases for Italian Power Metal bands that no one has ever heard of. Besides, nothing we do will ever top Global Metal Apocalypse. Check that shit out!

And even though James Swallow never did do anything for the site and I ribbed him mercilessly (though never out of spite), I’ve come to love him more than any woman I’ve ever known, so he’s on the same level as the steroid taking Blue Tit in Animal Crossing now. All’s well that ends well.

Thank you one and all. And we’ll see you all on Revenant Kestrel.

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